Today, I take back my existence

The “Life Event” I cryptically posted to facebook is pictured. It comes from the lyrics of Outkast’s song True Dat.

Today, as I was laying, and crying, in debilitating pain for literally years after undergoing these “treatments”, there came an enlightenment. A zen-like understanding of who I am and where I was in the world. Of what I was doing to my body, and what I needed to do to make it stop.

Finally, I pulled the plug. I had to. I couldn’t do it any longer.

I had a tearful meeting with my family and let them know I was NOT giving up on life, but presently, I wasn’t living, either. I called my mother and my brother. We decided we’d all rather have 2-3 great years together than a lifetime of me on the couch in misery.

Throughout my journey, I’ve learned to do my research. So I continue that path. I’ll read up and find out exactly what I needed to do – to eat, drink, breathe and live – in order to beat this. I’d surround myself with friends from different backgrounds and find out what they know and how they could help. I’d research the diagnosis and the treatments, meet with doctors, and do whatever I could to beat it.

But I’d HAVE to start building myself up instead of continuing this path of breaking myself down. I HAVE to turn the tide now, while I still can. Today I start my new life.